The Accidental Mommy, Part 4

The Saturday after my hospital stay we decided (at Thelma's insistence) to go see the movie the Punisher (worst movie in creation, by the way, followed by anything starring Sarah Michelle Gellar).  We invited our friend Chris to join us for the movie and a pre-movie dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

The funniest thing that happened at dinner happened during a pee break.  Thelma and I went to the bathroom, finished at about the same time and were washing our hands when I felt the urge to pee again.  It's worse when the baby is breech because the baby just dances on your bladder.  Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, but having to pee not 2 minutes after you've already peed gets a little old.  Thelma just stood there and laughed!

I was having Braxton Hicks all day, all through dinner and all through the movie.  After the movie we decided to go for some ice cream, then called it a night.

When we got home, I got hit with a BIG Braxton Hicks and had to bend over.  I was getting a little concerned, but the Braxton Hicks were nothing like the real contractions I was having earlier in the week, so I chalked it up to a little too much activity (even though the majority of the night had me sitting on my rear).  I decided to take a quick shower and get to bed.

I slept late on Sunday.  Around 10am, I felt like I was having contractions.  By 11am, I KNEW I was having contractions, and they were getting regular.  Adam was timing them.  When he saw how regular they were, he announced that he needed to shower before we went to the hospital.  Seriously.  I laughed and asked him what was going to be happening to HIM that required him to need a shower, but I let it go.

All I took with me was a laptop because I figured I'd be spending another night in the hospital after they stopped my labor again.

When we got to the hospital, we were taken to triage.  In triage, Nurse Ratchett appeared.  She snarkily said:  I see you're back.  I replied, duh...I'm pregnant and was planning to deliver here.

My nurse (not Nurse Ratchett) checked me and I was dilated to 3cm.  She put me on the fetal monitor, and because Bettie was breech, she had a really hard time getting her heartbeat to show up.

My contractions were getting intense, but were manageable.  Because they were increasing, the nurse checked me again.  I quickly went from 4cm to 7cm and Bettie's foot was through my cervix.  She decided it was time to call my doctor.  Dr. Holton came in and explained that he was going to perform an emergency c-section.  That's when things got real.  I signed all the papers and within 30 minutes I was taken to the OR.  Adam wasn't allowed to come in until after they administered the epidural, so I was alone, and it was a little scary.  The anesthesiologist came in and I tried to convince him that I was terrified of needles.  Then he saw my tattoo and realized I wasn't going to cry.  The process itself wasn't bad--just lonely and disorienting.  I was sitting down, bent over to round out my spine and was being held by a nurse I didn't know.  I don't know why they wouldn't let Adam at least do that part.  They let husbands do that for women getting epis with vaginal births.

The nurses asked me to take my bellybutton barbell out, but I couldn't get it loose.  The thing had been in for like 10 years and it was stuck.  I had to sign a waiver saying I wouldn't sue if they had to defib me and electrocuted me.  After I was fully numb, Dr. Holton actually wrangled it out.

Adam finally got to come in wearing head to toe scrubs.  They strapped my arms down (I really didn't like that) and put the blue curtain up.  There were like 15 people in the room which was very disconcerting.  No one explained why they were all there.  I later learned that some of them were NICU staff.  I'm still not sure why the rest of the army was there.

Within what felt like 15 or 20 minutes I saw my baby's grimacing little face being held over the curtain and heard the pronouncement that she was a girl.  It was 5:35pm on 12/21/2008 (though her birth certificate says 5:37pm).  She weighed 4 pounds 1 ounce and was 17.5" long.  She was born at 33 weeks and 2 days gestation.

White Christmas was playing on the radio.  There was a lot of rushing around behind the curtain.  Adam disappeared with the baby and I was left alone in the OR again.  At this point no one really acknowledged me.  I felt like a piece of meat on a slab while everyone in the room talked amongst themselves.  I found myself becoming very depressed.

A little while later Adam walked in and I got to see my baby.  She was all cleaned up, swaddled and wearing her little hat.  I didn't get to touch her because my arms were still strapped down.  Within seconds Adam and the baby disappeared again and I was alone...again.

During the rest of my stay in the OR I had the pleasure of hearing my doctor say:  "feel this" to a nurse.  I later learned that they both had their hands in my uterus (pleasant thought, huh?) and were checking out the uterine septum that caused my pre-term labor.  The whole post-delivery OR experience was so dehumanizing and utterly devastating to me.

When they were finished doing whatever it was that they were doing behind the curtain, I was taken to the recovery room.   I was left in there by myself for about 30 minutes.  Finally a nurse came in and asked where my husband was.  I told her he was with the baby.  The lower half of my body was still dead from the epidural.  She was cleaning me up a little and managed to drop my leg into the rails.  She apologized profusely and I just told her not to worry about it because at the time I had no feeling anyway.  She left and I was alone...again.

Finally Adam came in and showed me pictures he'd taken of our new baby girl.  I got to see pictures on a 2x2 digital camera screen.  He stayed with me as they took me to my postpartum room.

I thought I'd get to see the baby once I got to postpartum, but because it was close to Christmas and they'd had a few deliveries that evening, they were too understaffed to take me to the NICU.  It was like a bad dream.

My mom and sister arrived.  They both got to touch my baby before I did.  That still hurts me to my soul.  So many people got to see and touch her before I did.

Adam went home to feed the dogs and all I wanted was to go to sleep.  My legs were itching like mad because the epidural was wearing off.  The nurse came in and offered me something to help with the itching.  She injected me with something and I got sleepy.  I can't sleep when people are watching me, but Thelma and my mom refused to leave.  I begged them and they still wouldn't leave.  Adam told them to stay with me, and they were just following orders, but I was miserable and just wanted to go to sleep.

Adam finally got back a little after midnight and okayed Thelma and my mom leaving.  I finally tried to go to sleep, but that ship had sailed.  I didn't fall asleep until after 3am.

By 6am I was awake and was considering taking my own catheter out so I could walk to the NICU to see my baby.  The nurse finally came in and freed me.  I got up and discovered that the pain wasn't that big of a deal.  The worst part was the weird pulling sensation in my lower abdomen.

I took a very quick shower, removed my bandage like the nurse said to, got dressed and Adam walked me to the NICU.  They offered me a wheelchair, but I didn't feel like I needed it.

When I got to the NICU, I got to see baby girl Osborne in her little isolette.  She was so tiny.  I opened the little porthole on the side and put my hand in to touch her for the first time.  She barely stirred.  I touched her face (complete with feeding tube), her tummy and chest (with all the monitors) her little hands and her feet (complete with IVs).  I touched her tiny, tennis ball sized head covered with its downy dark brown hair.  It was so surreal.  I marveled at my little creation and I knew what it meant to love someone so much you'd readily give your life for theirs.